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Handling Online Dating Rejection
Many people get into online dating because they hate being rejected on the
dating scene in the offline world. Bad news: rejection can also happen in
online dating, and it can be just as hurtful as the rejection you may have
faced in person - and in some cases, more hurtful, simply because the person
who is rejecting you doesn't actually see you, or how they are making you
feel.
No matter how gently someone tries to break off a relationship, it is almost
always hurtful to the other person. It is a blow to one's pride and
self-confidence, and they wonder what they did wrong, wonder if they said
something wrong, or if you've found someone better - no matter what reason
you give for the rejection. Again, this works the same online as it does
offline.
Being Rejected Online
If you have been rejected in the online dating world, you will most likely
deal with it the same way that you deal with offline rejection. However,
because you have the ability to communicate with so many online, you have
to be careful to not allow your feelings to carry over into that other
communication.
The first thing to do is to end all conversation with this person. You wouldn't
get on your knees and beg someone not to break up with you offline - so don't
do it online either. Your pride may be hurt, but you can retain your dignity.
Just simply move on. You don't want to be a stalker and get your membership
cancelled or have all of your future communications watched by the site
administrators! Just think of it as that person's loss, and move forward.
Do not make the mistake of bad-mouthing them in the online communities! That
won't help you get over the hurt, and it eventually does you more harm than
good.
If you find that you are being rejected fairly often online, yes, the problem
may be you, and not them. Look at your profile. Think about your communications.
Are you coming across as a needy person? Are you too negative? Are you too
serious, or not serious enough? What about your photo? Is it flattering?
You don't have to be hot looking, but you should appear as a clean, well-groomed
person who has a smile on their face!
Are you only making contact with people who are 'out of your league?' While
looks really don't mean much when it comes to love, there are those who have
certain physical requirements. Read the profiles of the people that you are
communicating with, and if they have specific physical requirements that
don't describe you, don't waste your time with them. If looks matter that
much to them, you really don't want them anyway. Also look for profiles that
contain something that you have in common with the other person. Opposites
do indeed attract, but even opposites usually have something in common!
How To Reject Someone Online
If you are the one that must do the rejecting, really remember how you feel
when you are rejected, and try to do it in a way that doesn't overly hurt
the other person. The 'it's me, not you' thing works online and offline,
but you could just be honet, yet gentle, and let them know that you are looking
for something different. Honesty is always the best policy.
Don't hedge. Don't keep people dangling on a string. But don't say things
for the purpose of hurting them either. Remember that they will be hurt anyway,
and there is no need to pour salt in an open wound. Don't use the pre-written
rejection letters that many online dating sites provide. That's just an insult
to many people. They deserve to know, in your words, why they are being
dumped!
Be an adult. Try nice first, and if nice doesn't work, try something else.
If they just don't get the picture, and they won't stop contacting you or
talking about you, contact the site administrator about the problem. Just
as you tried to be a nice adult, even though they are hurt, they should also
try to be a nice adult about it.
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