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How to Build a Lasting Relationship

Once upon a time and happily ever after only happen in fairy tales that have no basis in the reality of relationships between men and women. Being whisked away into the sunset by a prince on a white steed only to live happily forever and ever isn't going to happen. And you guys should really turn the proverbial white steed out to pasture, too, it isn't going to happen for you either.

All relationships between men and women begin with physical attraction on some level. Even when a man and woman meet online through an online dating service they see pictures of each other. So it is really fair to say that physical attraction comes first. Lust always precedes love. Both 'lust' and 'love' are four letter words and the one isn't going to happen without the other.

Lust (physical desire) is a fickled thing. It can attach itself to one person and then another. It doesn't stick around when the going gets tough. Lust is a very basic animal instinct that humans were endowed with for the sole purpose of procreation. Lust is only physical and has no connection to the heart or the soul. Still, it is first and it needs no nurturing.

Love, on the other hand, is born weak and small. It must be tenderly and constantly cared for to survive. If it is ignored and shoved into a dark corner it will surely wither and die.

Building a long lasting relationship isn't something that just accidentally happens. Long lasting relationships don't happen by magic either. Long lasting relationships might begin with lust but they are built on a foundation of love that is constantly being reinforced.

Everybody loves the good times. It takes no strength to withstand the good times. Even lust thrives in good times. Strength in relationships isn't built during good times, strength of relationships is built during bad times, hard times and times when it would be easier to quit than to keep going.

Sadness, loss, illness, financially stringent times are all necessary aerobic long lasting relationship building exercises. It is very easy to share joy, laugh at the same jokes or enjoy the same movies and music and those things are important. It is also important to be able to feel one another's pain and to stay when going would be easier.

Each and every time a storm is weathered and a relationship remains intact, it becomes stronger. It builds muscles! There is no 'I' in 'we' or 'us'. Nothing bad ever happens to only one person who is part of a long lasting relationship. Whatever happens to one also happens to the other and that is the way that both of them see any and every situation.

In long lasting relationships that I've been privileged to witness, each partner views themselves as a part of a whole and they see their partner as the real better half of the whole. Selfishness is nonexistent and deeply caring about one another is a constant through both the good times and the bad ones.