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 Raging
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Free dating tips, advice, news and resources to keep you up to date on the
latest dating information.
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Understanding Your Partner's Needs
'Need' has been a word that has become a bit maligned in recent years especially
when used in the terms of a relationship between a man and a woman. A derogatory
remark that is often heard is he or she is just too 'needy.' I'm not really
sure exactly what 'too needy' is. How does 'too needy' relate to 'not needy
enough' or just-right needy'? How much need is too much? And what kind of
needs are we talking about?
The thing about all relationships is that they are built upon some kind of
need. If there wasn't a need to be fulfilled then the relationship would
never come into being in the first place.
Each person begins a relationship with their own needs uppermost in their
minds. A person NEEDS a friend, a companion, a date for an event or they
have another kind of empty spot in their life and so they seek out another
person to fulfill that need.
For example: think about the need that your friendships fill in your world.
You enjoy the company of your friends. You want to be able to share music,
sporting events, concerts, interests and hobbies with your friends. They
are fulfilling your need but you are also fulfilling their need.
Need fulfillment is a two-way street in every human relationship. When one
party fails to fulfill the needs of the other, the relationship will either
end or it will change dramatically. Think of the parent/child relationship.
When we are children we need for our parents to feed us, cloth us and shelter
and protect us. They love us and they need to do those things for us. When
we grow up we no longer need for them to take care of us. We need for them
to be proud of us and respect us. They need for us to be proud of them and
to respect them. The relationship has changed dramatically because the needs
changed.
This same kind of mutual need and need fulfillment is the basis for relationships
between adult men and women as well. Each partner has needs and the other
partner is there to fulfill those needs. If a partner fails to fulfill the
needs of the other, the relationship will either end or it will have to change
dramatically.
You know what your needs are. You may even have given a great deal of thought
to what your needs are and what it will take to fulfill those needs. Many
people do just that. They can go on at great length about what they want
from a relationship but never give a thought or mention a word about what
they expect to put into the relationship to fulfill the needs of their partner.
I'm really big on the importance of honest communication between partners.
The lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings that could often
be avoided if a situation had been talked about. You know what needs you
are expecting your partner to fulfill but it is equally important that you
understand what needs that your partner expects you to fulfill for them.
They DO have needs and they DO expect you to fulfill those needs or they
wouldn't be in the relationship in the first place.
The solution is simple. Ask. Simply ask questions and really listen to answers.
Give and receive information. When you understand what your partner's needs
are you can fulfill those needs and when your partner understand what you
want and expect from the relationship, they can fulfill your needs. After
all, that is what relationships are about...fulfilling needs.
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