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Getting Rid of Your Past Relationship Baggage

Relationships begin at birth. We have no choice about the family that we are born into. We come into this world with a mother a father and sometimes brothers and sisters. Sometimes babies are born into good and nurturing (although certainly imperfect) families and sometimes they are born into a family situation that could never be described as good or nurturing. It is not a choice. The family that we grow in will have a great deal of bearing on all of the relationships that we have not only through childhood but all the way to the grave unless we learn to deal with the baggage...both the good and the bad.

The very first past relationship baggage that needs to be dealt with when a person becomes an adult is the family relationship baggage. Your mother is not representative of all of woman kind. Your father is not the embodiment of all men. Neither of them are perfect and probably not totally imperfect either. Sometimes people who had particularly traumatic childhoods need professional help to be able to put down the family relationship baggage and not judge every adult relationship by the relationships they had with their parents.

When people end a romantic relationship, the relationship might well be over, but they will both carry some emotional baggage from it with them. This past relationship baggage clouds future relationships unless they can learn how to successfully put the baggage down and leave it in the past where it belongs.

There isn't any painless way to accomplish this feat as far as I know. Two things must be effectively dealt with in order to resolve past relationships. The first is pain and the second is blame.

Time is the best healer for emotional pain just like it is for physical pain. But the time needs to be used for healing. You can't keep picking at the pain and ever expect it to stop. New pain is acute. Older pain turns into more of a dull ache. This is true for both emotional and physical pain. Time will turn new and acute emotional pain into a dull heart ache. But even that dull heart ache will eventually leave.

Blame is the part of emotional pain that you can and should deal with at the earliest possible moment. This is the part of past relationship baggage that will affect future relationships. There are two rules that you need to follow:

1. Quit being a victim. You aren't a victim. You entered into the relationship of your own free will and if you didn't realize that the other person also had free will, you certainly should have. Relationships don't always work out. There doesn't have to be a single reason and most often when a relationship ends the blame can be pretty much equally divided.

2. Accept your share of the responsibility for the relationship failure. You aren't perfect. You made mistakes. Figure out what those mistakes were and resolve to not make the same ones again.

You can't move your life forward and engage in future successful relationships until you can put down that emotional baggage that you are dragging around.